Meeting Chloe: Understanding the Real Challenge
At the time I met Chloe, I was still working as an Occupational Therapist. Chloe was a lively six-year-old whose curious mind and boundless energy brightened the room. She had ADHD and autism. She loved exploring everything around her and always had plenty of questions. However, Chloe often found herself in trouble at school due to her tendency to play too rough. When playing with other kids, she would often push them to the point where they sometimes got hurt.
The rough play never seemed to happen out of anger or retaliation. Staff and her parents kept talking to her about the importance of playing more gently, but nothing worked. Everyone was puzzled and unsure of what else to do.
Chloe’s parents were worried about her ability to navigate social situations. On several occasions, she wasn’t invited to her peers’ birthday parties, out of concern she would be too rough. Despite gentle reminders, stern talks, and even punishments, nothing seemed to work. They felt stuck.
That’s when Chloe’s parents contacted me. They had a clear goal in mind: they wanted Chloe to be kind and respectful when playing with other children while still enjoying herself. But they didn’t know how to get there.
Asking the Right Questions
During our initial meeting, I asked Chloe, “I wonder why you push other kids?” She responded, “It’s fun!” That gave me insight into her actions. When I further asked if pushing felt good to her body, she enthusiastically replied, “YES!” Chloe seemed relieved that someone finally understood her reasons. It became clear that her behavior was driven by unmet sensory needs, not intended aggression or defiance.
A Big Positive Change
After working together for a couple of months, we saw major changes in Chloe’s behavior. The number of incidents where she pushed other kids dropped from daily to no more than once a week—and continued to decrease. Her peers noticed the change and began including her in their play more often. Her teachers and parents were thrilled and encouraged by the progress.
How Did We Get There?
The first big step was understanding what was contributing to Chloe’s behavior. Once she shared that pushing others felt good to her body, we realized that her nervous system craved strong sensory input. Additionally, when she played, her excitement often escalated to the point where she struggled to control her movements. The excitement itself contributed to her dysregulation.
Instead of approaching the situation from a compliance or right/wrong perspective, we reframed it through the lens of regulation.
The focus became finding ways to meet her sensory needs and support her regulation in a safe way.
We explored her environment, searching for safe objects to crash into or hit—pillows, sofas, and beach balls—as well as things like windows and picture frames. We talked about the difference between safe and unsafe objects, and what might happen if she hit the wrong ones.
We then talked about how it felt when she crashed into or hit safe objects. We compared what felt better or worse.
This playful approach made it fun and meaningful to Chloe. It encouraged her to:
- Think about what felt good to her body (Self-Awareness)
- Talk about her needs (Self-Advocacy)
- Explore ways to meet her needs (Problem-Solving)
- Balance her needs while respecting others’ needs (Perspective-taking and Empathy)
As her parents and I worked together, they realized these strategies could be applied to other areas of Chloe’s life, like school, homework, and morning routines. It became clear that Chloe’s behavior was often the result of her sensory needs not being met. Her nervous system craved specific input, and she sought it in the only ways that made sense to her.
Expanding Beyond Playtime
Chloe’s parents became more intentional about supporting her sensory needs through specific activities. They enrolled her in karate classes, which quickly became a favorite. Karate gave her the strong physical input she craved while also teaching self-regulation and discipline.
Her parents also modeled phrases to help Chloe understand herself better in a non-shaming way. One of her favorite phrases became, “My body needs to move!” when she had too much energy for the task at hand. This became a helpful signal to adults around her that she needed support in staying regulated.
4 Key Factors in Chloe’s Progress
- Understanding what contributed to Chloe’s dysregulation: Her need for sensory input was the key to understanding her behavior.
- Identifying strategies to help her stay better regulated: Providing safe outlets for her sensory needs made a huge difference.
- Empowering Chloe with our insights: Helping Chloe understand what her body needed empowered her to advocate for herself.
- Guiding her parents to shift their strategies: Chloe’s parents learned to share these insights with her teachers and school staff, creating a more supportive environment.
Final Thoughts
By understanding the sensory factors driving Chloe’s behavior, her parents were able to adopt a more neuro-affirming approach. This nurturing environment, focused on building lifelong skills, empowered Chloe and her family. It also made it easier for her parents to communicate with the school about Chloe’s unique needs.
With the right approach and support, children like Chloe can learn to navigate their sensory needs, leading to healthier and happier interactions.
